Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
