Your tits are I can't wait for
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
