A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
