good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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