everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
