You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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