do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
