I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
