my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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