New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
