Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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