I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
