Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
