I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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