i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He better not be in your backpack
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
