She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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