i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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