I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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