Can i not drive my cunt home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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