I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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