my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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