Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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