Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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