You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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