Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
