is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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