is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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