do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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