but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
