i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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