Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
