He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
