A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
