I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
