C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
