Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
