Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
