I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
