The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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