he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
