According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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