Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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