If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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