We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
