dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
