I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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