sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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