I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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