DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
