Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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