bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
