those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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