Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're like the curious george of whores
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
