This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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