ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
