I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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