yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
