listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My pussy is not your playground.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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