420 ftw
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
