He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
