Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize