there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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