I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
