4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize