My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i think i just lost a toe
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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