my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
