I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
