She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Success! We fucked roommates!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
