Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
