Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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