I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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