He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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