you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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