Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
